Chapter 23: Getting leid

One awesome thing about working in a reserve unit was annual training. For two weeks, we were graced with the presence of our wonderful reservists. Okay, that was sarcasm, but for this annual training, we were going to be high rollers. We were getting a free trip to Hawaii on the taxpayers dime!
I guess I lucked out with this unit. We had some officers come up with some type of security group, so we were all sent to Hawaii to have a pretend war. I guess since I was a chick, I was selected to go with the advance party, so I was lucky to be able to spend three weeks in paradise! Downside to this: I was pregnant.
Once we arrived in Honolulu, we were immediately leid. Cheap thrill, I must admit, but I was a nice lei. Made me feel special until I sneezed non-stop since I am allergic to flowers. After my sneezing attack, I recognized an old friend of mine from New River that was stationed there. He missed me so much that he couldn't wait to see me. Or maybe he was just bored and remembered how we hung out all the time when we were bored and decided to share some boredom with me. How thoughtful!
For the first week, we stayed at Pearl Harbor. It was amazing staying in an area with such history, and the base was beautiful!
McDonald's, however,  was a total disappointment. I was totally in the mood for an awesome breakfast and what was I stuck with? Spam and rice. Like my ass needed some spam. I was totally bummed that whole morning. Three weeks of spam and rice. Nice!
Since I was admin and had no real purpose for going with the advance party, I hung out with all the supply people. We drive from Pearl Harbor to Schofield Barracks to Kaneohe Bay, back to Pearl Harbor. Basically, we wasted gas. It's the American thing to do.
Once we secured all of items that we needed for the Annual Training, we were granted Liberty for the whole weekend. My friend and I decided to go to a luau. I owed him a lot of money from our New River days, say we went to the exchange and bought the tickets. Since my belly was starting to grow, I decided to buy a new outfit that stretched. All I could find was a flirty skirt and low-cut shirt. I was in paradise, so I wore it proudly.
We went to the luau and really enjoyed our time there, until I served poi. Who can eat fish that looks like snot? Within 30 seconds, you could find me by the dumpster, throwing up my insides. Man, even Hawaii has jokes. I prayed that paradise got better.
Once the reservists arrived, hell began. I had to leave my beautiful room at Pearl Harbor to head on up to Schofield Barracks, the pit of Army installations. My new room was a hut that was full of red clay dirt. It reminded me of being a Blue Bird all over again. Got my broom out and started sweeping. Although I wasn't really showing, I was told to wear my maternity cammies. As I swept the floor in my hut, my pants kept falling down. I was sick of holding them up, so I just let them fall. Next thing I know, there is a group of Army soldiers staring at me. Yep, me and all my glory. A broom, a skivvy tee, my good all white briefs (hey, I was pregnant. White briefs covered well), and my pants around my ankles. Could it get any better than that? I so needed to escape...and to think, this was paradise?


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